Sticks & Stones

I remember as a child my parents telling me not to let what others say make you feel bad... 

(This during the Elsie the cow stage, why could the teacher just not pronounce it correctly ugh) 

I also remember singing that chatchy little saying "sticks and stones my break my bones but names will never hurt me" what a load of BS... I think I would almost have sticks and stones hurled in my direction at least I have a fighting chance to dodge them (I did take a giant stone to the face as a child, apparently I was not good at dodging or running for cover that ended me in the ER and getting my eye stitched up). Once the words have been spoken there is no way to dodge them or run for cover  they have been heard and sept into our souls... 

Why does it take so long in life to realize that words are much more damaging then sticks and stone, yes one might hit you one might even break a bone or cut your eye wide open but after the cast or the stitches only way to tell that there was a break is with an X-Ray or a scar. But words the have a way of lingering long after the bruise, cut or sting would. I will take the physical injury everytime... I hate the way words worm there way I to your heart making you believe that what was said about you was true... 

Puzzle!!!

How many times have you been told to forgive and forget?

I can remember being told this as a child, I even remember doing this when a friend at school or a sibling would do something to make me mad or sad. 

Back then it was so much easier to forgive and forget... When life was simple and a friend hurt your feelings, or said something mean, when a sister took your cloths and wore them, or called your pants her fat pants when she gained a few lbs... 

I can still forgive but it's the forgetting that's the hard part for me. I hold on to these things and they seem to continue to pop into my head from time to time... How can you forget something that scared you to the core? How do you forgive and move on when nothing will ever be the same. How can you forget when there always things to remind you that the event occurred? Or the words that were spoken can never be taken back...  

I have found myself being hurt, angry and sad and crumbling to pieces. As I continue to put all the little pieces back together like a puzzle, trying to make them fit just right, the pieces are still just not quite fitting perfectly and I feel like I have lost a few of them, and I am not sure if I will ever find them...

So forgiving is the easy part but once things are said and done you can never unthink them you can never unfeel them... Your puzzle is forever changed!!!

it's the finding a way to create a new puzzle and move forward, with all the pieces that are left...

Unavaliable

The question is would you actively peruse someone if you knew they were Unavaliable? 

Yes I know many of you would not even entertain the idea... not only NO but HELL NO! I  have discovered that in this sad world we live in many don't feel this way!  I wonder how much the divorce rate would drop if people would sever all ties upon discovering the other person is unavailable... 

I am sure there are many who don't share the same views as I do on the topic. For you who think this is okay and try and justify it by saying we were just friends and it turned into more! I call bullshit, STOP kidding yourself, you knew that moment you deleted a message or email or lied about who you were talking to or where you were going, yep you knew it was wrong but continued anyway. That was the moment you made a choice to deceive someone else for someone new. 

Sadly there are those who do this for entertainment, like its a sport or a game! I consider screwing with  someone else's  relationship for your own enjoyment and satisfaction not only sick but morally WRONG!!! 

Sadly I know this because I have encountered these kind of people maybe I am nust but nice girls dont cheat or tease unless they want trouble. some of them just do it for attention and never really want the relationship to go anywhere its just the satisfaction of knowing they can not only do it but get away with it. Others justify it and say " I was unhappy" no shit Sherlock because your in 2 relationships one is new and exciting and one is established and predictable... But guess what that new relationship you think is making you so happy is also going to turn into predictable, then where will you be back in 2 relationships and the never ending cycle of justifying it with "I was not happy!" The easiest thing is to walk away, give up and start a new relationship but the issues remains unsolved. Why are there people that are so willing to throw it all away for new and excitement when it's as simple as putting new and excitement into the relationship they already had? 

So again I ask the question who would willingly enter into a relationship with someone who is unavailable? 

Loser

In every sport there is a winner and a loser. Well in our house lets just say my youngest is a very poor loser... He gets all upset and dos'nt know how to handle losing... We had to have a lesson after he lost his Jr Jazz game by one basket. He has lost before this season but this was tournament and he just did not know what to do with that. 

This year his football team he liked went to the Super Bowl and thing did not turn out how he wanted it to he was upset and dissapointed he took off his Bronco shirt put his orange chair he was watching the game in away and he took his flag and mini helmet and put them away... But it's a good thing there are examples in the sport world to show class when losing. Peyton Manning did an excellent job to show That you can lose with class... So after Jr Jazz game we came home and had recorded the Olympics and he was super excited to watch his snowboarding idel compete for Gold!! 

Well guess what happened? Yep that's right he did not get a single medal, yes he could have wined and blamed it on the poor conditions of the half pipe, but after his run he hugged the winner and congratulated him on taking gold, you could see he was disappointed, he could have thrown a temper tantrum thrown his snowboard to the ground but no with class he did an interview shortly after and said. You can't blame the poor conditions of the half pipe we all had to compete on it and for those that were able to pull of a clean run congratulations. He said I just had two very poor runs and it is what it is.

My child was totally sad almost in tears and here was the learning lesson again we said see Shawn White was expected to win gold almost guaranteed it, he knew it along with everyone else there but he didn't even get a medal and look how he was able to be happy about those that did receive the medals. Sure I am sure he felt horrible!  when the games ends and the competition ends and it's all over you can be sad for yourself but also happy for those that competed against you. 

Wow

I found this article online I think as a parent of an athlete and a coach I LOVE it...

Parents and Playing Time

In our last issue I related the saying, “Prepare the child for the path – not the path for the child,” in my article, Is it All Right to Win? We love that our kids play sports for the many life lessons that are learned. But when we intervene and try to influence our son or daughter’s coach relative to playing time or positions, what lesson are we really teaching? 

Parents want what’s best for their children. But far too many parents feel that they must control every aspect of what happens to their kids – and ensure its all positive – in order for their children to be happy. And while this may lead to more happiness in the short term, it can have severe, negative long-term consequences.

We all know that life is filled with ups and downs. Everyone reading this article has suffered substantial setbacks at one time or another. And for the most part, when we’re adults, there is no mommy or daddy to swoop in and save the day when we face adversity. We must pick ourselves up and forge ahead on our own. We have to cope. And most of our coping mechanisms were learned as children. Part of our growth process was figuring out that life isn’t always fair, and that sometimes things don’t go our way. And as painful as those lessons are to learn, they’re what develop character in us so that we can handle struggles in our lives. 

Where better for our children to learn these lessons, than in sports?

Let’s say your son or daughter plays a sport where foot speed is an advantage, and a teammate who is faster is getting more playing time. You and your child have a few options: You could speak to the coach, try to influence him, and maybe even pressure him into playing your child more. Or, maybe your child could work on his speed or try to develop other skills that make him valuable to the team. Or, if that sport isn’t the right one for him, maybe he could use this setback as motivation to find a new activity that better suits him. 

Because let’s fast-forward ten or fifteen years: Imagine now that your child really wants to become an architect but has no talent in drawing. He has a few options: He could work hard to improve his drawing skills. Or maybe he could sharpen other talents to compensate. Or maybe he might just have to give up that dream and find something else to do. But it is unlikely you’ll be able to storm into an architectural firm and demand they give your child a job he’s not qualified to do. 

However, if we’ve been doing this for our children all their lives, what else would they ever expect?

Our job as parents is not to make sure our children never have any pain or disappointments – quite the contrary. Our job as parents is to prepare them as best we can for the inevitable time that they are on their own, without us to catch them when they fall. By trying to pressure our child’s coach into doling out more playing time we are weakening our children, making life miserable for the coach, and being unfair to other kids whose parents areplaying by the rules. And we are teaching our children that if things don’t go well for them, it is not their fault, but the fault of someone else. Think about how successful someone will be carrying that attitude with them through life. 

Below is a paragraph addressing playing time, from the letter I always send out to parents prior to each season:

Regardless of where your son or daughters shakes out in the playing time or lineup mix, it is important that your communication to them be positive. If they hears you talking about what a bad deal they getting, or something similar, their attitude is going to suffer. And if their attitude suffers, there is nearly no chance that they earn more playing time or time at a different position they like better. Conversely, if they are really deserving  more playing time and I'm just missing it, if they keeps working hard, trying their best and bringing a positive attitude to the field, The coach will notice it. I can tell you that if a parent comes to me to complain about position or playing time, then forever after that, if the player does move up or play more, you'll have to wonder if it was something they earned themself, or if it was something that came as a result of your complaint. On the other hand, if everyone takes the attitude that "the cream will rise to the top," and is patient, then you'll know that everything your child gets is deserved. (The latter feels much better). Everyone will have their chances to show what they can do in the game. It is important that they are prepared for those opportunities, and make the most of them.

And what if your child really is getting a raw deal? What if you know his plight is clearly based on favoritism or politics? 

First of all, unless you’ve been at every practice – not just the games, you don’t know. Children don’t see it objectively, so you can’t just take their word for it. Or maybe you can. I have a son playing Pop Warner and he began the season as the starting running back. For the past two games, he’s been replaced by the coach’s son. And don’t get me wrong, the coach’s son is good, but I haven’t seen anything in the games that he did to supplant my boy. And I was angry about it. Then I asked my son, “So what happened to make Johnny the starter over you?” And my son said, “Probably that I had a terrible week at practice and messed up my assignment on a couple plays and fumbled.” Oh. OK.

And finally, if you’re sure after really waiting for things to change, after observing practices and getting an “honest” assessment from your child, you still feel like its not going they way it should be, what should you do? Nothing. 

That’s right, YOU, should do nothing. But it would be very appropriate for your child to approach the coach and tell him he feels he could be helping the team more and ask what he can do to improve his playing time or position. The coach will respect that much more, and your child’s self-esteem and communication skills will get a big boost. And, unless we plan on spending the rest of our days clearing the path of any obstacles for our children, isn’t them standing up for themselves exactly what they’re going to have to do all their lives anyway?