BEFORE YOU CHEAT

Before you cheat, know this:

You will break her. You will not just break her heart. You will break her trust. You will break her spirit. You will break her joy. You will break her belief in love. You will break her sense of self.

Before you cheat, know this: 

She will not sleep—not through the night, as she wakes from a nightmare at 3 am, seeking answers from God. She will not eat—not by choice, but because she can’t stomach her reality or the thoughts of texts and images that haunt the corners of her mind. She will not smile—not because there’s nothing to smile for, but because she doesn’t know what these things are anymore.

Before you cheat, know this: 

It will teach her to hear “You are beautiful,” as “but not beautiful enough to keep me faithful.” It will teach her to hear “You are smart,” as “but not smart enough.” It will teach her to hear “You mean the world to me,” as “but one person is not enough.” It will teach her to hear “You are the love of my life,” as “but I don’t love you enough to be with just you.” It will teach her to hear “You are enough,” as “but you are still not good enough to satisfy me.”

Before you cheat, know this: 

She will cry. She will curl into a ball on her bedroom floor, cheek pressed into the carpet—and not be able to stand up. She will sob in the shower thinking nobody can here her tears in there. She will get a lump in her throat anytime she drives past places that used to be yours until she decides to avoid these places entirely. She will rage. She will get irritated at friends and family for no apparent reason at all. She will curse at her reflection as she’s brushing her teeth, and think if only she were prettier, funnier, smarter, sexier—if only she were more, it would have made a difference. She will throw a picture frame at the wall and be too dumbfounded to pick up the pieces. She will scream by herself in her car, wondering what she did to deserve this, hoping her words will carry far enough to be heard by someone—anyone—who can tell her. She will not feel. She will be numbed in new ways that her hopeful heart had not known to be possible. And then she will feel everything at once. She will feel devalued, discarded, disassembled, disillusioned, distraught, unimportant, insignificant—she will feel confused and betrayed. She will feel foolish and full of fear. She will feel hate—toward you, toward the other women, toward herself. She will choke on her own confusion as she tries to hold on, yet wants and tries to let go.

Before you cheat, know this: 

She believed in you. Oh, how she believed in you. She believed in romance. She believed in honesty—and being honest with the one you love so much! She believed in respect—and that a love respected meant not being lied to, cheated on, nor played a fool. She believed in goodness—and that being good meant working on being good together, even when it was not easy to do. She believed you would protect her—and that being protected did not mean hiding the truth. She believed in you—and that believing in you, believing in each other, meant the mutual support of a two-person team through the ups, downs and everything in between.

Before you cheat, know this: 

These are all avoidable. You have a choice. You can choose to walk away. You can choose to let her leave, on her own. You can give her a choice.

But if you cheat, know this:

 You will break her, but she will grow back eventually stronger. You will dim her light, but she will shine more brightly. You will lower her expectations, but she will raise her standards. You will cause her to hate, but she will find relief, calm, her inner beauty, she will begin to see SHE IS ENOUGH. You will make her question her sanity, but she will learn to trust her own intuition and her heart better than before. You will crush her ideas of love, but she will never settle again. You will burn her world to the ground, but she will pour her heart into becoming the best person she can be—and this time, it won’t be for you; it will be for her.