What in the actual HELL?

Yes, I am writing from a place of pain, I am writing from a place of sadness, and I am writing from a place of what in the actual HELL happened. I remember the argument we had on January 16th. I remember asking why am I never enough? I asked him why he was keeping things from me? I remember being angry that I was being left out of his everyday life. He was closing me off, and I couldn't figure out why? It had been ten days, and I could still feel the strain something was, not right. I finally faced the fear and said, I feel like there is a strain, and I am not sure how to fix it.  I asked him how we fix it. He said he is sick of feeling like he has to make me happy that I was scrutinizing every action. As I read that, I can not for the life of me understand the desperation and pleading in my voice, and I was placing the blame on me, making it my fault he said I didn't appreciate anything he does for me. Oh, how hard it is to read any of it. What was I fighting for what? For the lies, the deception? For the cheating?
I asked over and over what he wanted, begging him to tell me. I just wanted to get back to the amazing us. Whatever this was, I wanted it to be resolved. I said I was sorry over and over again.  I don't want it to be like this; this didn't make sense to me. I tried my best to fix it, and no matter what I did, he rejected it all. He pushed me further and further away. I was not sleeping, and I couldn't make myself eat, I was going through the motions, every day it was something new to pick at, he would say I didn't need or want him, then he would say I didn't appreciate him,  then it was I was overreacting. Then it was me not looking at him.he would say we are unhappy, and I would respond I am not unhappy with my life. What the Hell is going on.  I was spinning, and I could not keep it all straight. I thought I was going crazy. I was nothing I just ceased to coexist. I finally had enough at 1:25 am January 27th I wrote it a long text, I bore it all I put it all out there, every feeling all my insecurities and what I was feeling asking him what had changed and why?
I thought all I want is for him to wrap me in his arms and say we are going to figure this out whatever it is. We have survived so much, and this is just a little argument. So I sent the text and wrapped him in my arms, he stirred at the sound of the incoming text, and I said it's just me and I felt him drift off to sleep. I prayed that this would help whatever was happening and that this would soften whatever was going on, and that argument that had lingered for way too long. I was confused at what we were even upset at. It was now something entirely different.
The next morning he got up went to play ball, and I watched as my phone went from delivered to read. He didn't say a word, not a word about the novel text I had sent bearing my soul, not a single word for days, then weeks, and almost a month.
I couldn't understand how someone could watch the tears flow and not say a single word, how someone sitting next to you was in pain, and you ignored them like they were not there. He could and would say all the words, but his actions spoke different, and I was about to be told of the rumor on none other than facebook messenger.
I was living a nightmare, and it was about to get worse. It was about to trigger every fear that ever existed, and it was all going to come rushing to the surface, and all the pieces where going to start falling into place and my life was about to get dark really really dark, and I could not hold on anymore it would prove to be too much for me and it would change everything about me.