I Understand

I started writing tonight when I received a message asking me how did you feel when you discovered the truth. My heart broke for this woman. I knew exactly how she felt. Her world had just come crashing down.
I said these words.
I want you to know that Heavenly Father has been listening and watching. He is mindful of all that was going on around you. He has seen the truth; he has heard and understood what you were then only suspicious of, I am praying for angels to surround you, the Lord is going to send you people to love and support you. He will not leave you alone. I am praying for you also to feel the love of the savior. He will help carry you through this time.
With that being said, this is what I felt when I discovered the truth saw the truth with my own eyes, and this is what I am going to share with you. I am also not as good at following my own advice. So my survivers out there that have lived this awful nightmare you are not alone.
I have been judged by many for writing, and I have felt shame for someone else choices and tonight as I read that pleading from me for answers I said to the Lord, I get it now. The Lord sends people, and tonight he sent me. He sent me because, like her, my heart feels the same; my words are his.
Cheating on someone is the worst I will say it again the WORST thing you can do to someone. When you do this, it's not just hurting them; for a person who has been cheated on, there will always be a reminder to them. It will haunt them, break them, anger, regret, anxiety, shame, depression, loss, and your choice caused that. You cheated and told them that they were not good enough for you. That you never loved them.
Why would you put someone you love in this position?
They now doubt there self-worth. Questioning it all, and everything they knew about you.
You did not do anything wrong. Nothing and I repeat NOTHING you did or didn't do could have stopped this, and I know you tried.
Why did it happen?
Am I enough?
Why did they do it?

I know you are going to ask these questions over and over again as I have done the same.
You are going to feel emotionally scarred, and you're going to build this wall around your heart, so it won't ever be hurt again.  It's going to hurt because your world has stopped while the rest of the world continues. You're going to feel paranoid, the hurt, you will carry it for a long time. Do not judge yourself for anything you do because you are not yourself. Trust was broken, and you want to trust again, but the fear prevents you from ever wanting to feel like this again.
Be patient, and kind to yourself, all things I am not awful at. I have been told to have compassion for me who wanted to believe.
You will feel like an emotional wreck, a mess inside, a shell.
When you're cheated on, you feel like you were never loved, respected, or cared about. They didn't think about you or how it would affect you only themselves. It was selfish, and it was unfair. It damaged you.
My thinking was you picked the one person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, the one you would stick by through thick and thin the good and the bad and the ugly the one you created a life with.  I was shattered, I picked them, and they never picked me. There was always someone else.
To love someone is to respect them, now all of that has been betrayed. Loyalty is what you gave, and now instead of receiving what you gave you were cheated on, and that is the absolute most damaging thing you can do to a person that loves you.
I am here, I hear you, I have felt what you feel, and my heart is breaking for you.
I testify of the truthfulness of his love, and he has a plan much bigger than what you have for yourself. He will hear the silent pleading of your heart. He may not give you the miracle you want, he may not answer all your prayers, but if I did anything right in the mess of this,  it was trusting that he would never leave my side even when I challenged him, screamed and cursed. He sent me the most amazing people to walk this storm that I still battle. Not everyone will get you, or what you have been through. I have been broke down enough to not care much anymore. Find the people who will listen, the ones who can see past your fake smile and will see your pain. The ones that will hold your hand and reach out to take yours. The ones that will stay by your side and not judge you. They are his gift, they will be your light and shine when you don't. His words flow from me effortlessly. He will guide you, he loves you, and he is there.