It’s in the wee quite hours of the morning that I ask for help, I pray for guidance, I listen for the answers. Sleep never comes easy. Rest my body may get, but my soul doesn’t feel.
This morning was no different and as I laid in bed talking to the lord. I asked him to give me the words to write next. Usually after that 3 am sudden wake and then prayer, I can doze back off.
It’s the unwelcome dreams that startle me. The power of a prayer, I had prayed nightly for my dreams to stop and Heavenly Father gave me just what I asked for. For a solid month no dreams at all. I soon realized I needed to change that prayer, it may have taken the nightmares away, but it also took the good dreams. I still wanted the inspiration I received from my dreams so I started praying to deal with the nightmares associated with this trauma. I didn’t only want but need those inspirational dreams, I had realized I missed them.
That day the lord guided me to the people that would be my angels here on earth. I know he had a hand in that phone call made June 3, 2018. He directed me and my kids to that Christ like love of these amazing people.
Two short days later as I was out walking, I got a message asking if my kids could go on a trip. She said I don’t want to take them away if you need them but I would love for them to join us. I knew the kids needed that. I knew I would have to return to work the next day or file for a medical leave. The mess of all of it was too much and I wanted them to go have some relief and joy.
The people Heavenly Father guided me to were sent in that awful day to be out beacon of hope, our shining light, the ones that would and did help us survive.
This sweet amazing lady walks on water I can promise that.
The day she picked up the kids, I knew they had left and I was on survival mode I got a text as my kids left that said mom she left us a present it on the table when you get home.
I arrived home from work to find 5 amazing gifts.
Blankets, these were not just any blankets.
These blankets are the softest, warmest, most amazing gift we received early on. I have slept with it every single night since that day. I call it my Jesus blanket it keeps me safe and protected and I would be lost without it. Yes I am a grown woman and it’s been a security thing for me. It was a gift of love that I needed and I knew when I wrapped in it, it was her love and the saviors love wrapped around me.
It’s in that safety of my bed I never want to leave. It’s there I can stay wrapped in that love.
There are days I can’t even leave the safety of that bed, days it’s hard to get up and put one foot in front of another. Days I go through the motion and long to be back in the comfort and peace of that blanket. The days it’s hard, and difficult to even want to breath. Days I wake up from the nightmare with the pain in my chest from the dreams. It’s also where I wake up with the words to write next, the answers to my prayers. The days that I drag myself from the security and love of that blanket. Most days with not much more than a shower, a pony tail, and no makeup. The days all I can do is pray that Heavenly Father will help me survive.
I know it’s in that safety of that blanket when the 3 am nightmares occur I can reach for that blanket and talk to my savior telling him all. The quiet whispers, pleading, and all the tears. I know he hears, he is mindful, he is always there waiting, listening and holding me up when the weight of the world keeps dragging me down, I can stay wrapped in that blanket for far too long. Like that blanket he is waiting for us to reach out and wrap ourselves in his love. That blanket is my connection to him it’s a reminder when I go to bed and it’s a reminder when I wake up to share my fears of leaving that safety. I could stay there forever hiding away from the world. It’s that blanket that I stay wrapped in while praying for help and guidance. I plead for understanding and I continue to ask for a glimpse every morning while wrapped in that blanket of my saviors love.
I know how special this blanket has been for me and I have ordered one that I want to share with some else the needs the saviors love.
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