That 4 Letter word.

One simple 4 letter word...

TIME

This word has so many different meanings.

So many possibilities. 

Time is a strange thing when you are waiting for something to happen, it drags on. When you want it to slow down, it’s gone in the blink of an eye. Why had I put so much importance into time?  Time is all we have, and if we are lucky, time stands still. 

This complicated yet straightforward word has been used so much in conversation that I have actually lost track and count of how often it has actually been said to me. I have learned to despise it.  

I obsessed about time; I gave that word so many possibilities and so much hope. 

“Just give it TIME,” “WITH TIME.”

“IN TIME” 

These were the saying that people kept repeating over and over, and I started actually obsessing about time. 

That timeline I created in my head, this is how long he was gone the 1st time he left to figure things out. Then that date came and went for 6 weeks, and I started panicking about the time. He kept saying he needed time and to be alone, so the only person he would be hurting was himself. 

Then It was the time I spent crying, worrying, praying, hurting, loving.

TIME TIMe TIme Time time time time time time!

I hate that 4 letter word.  What can I say about time? Turn back time, a moment in time, wasted time, that one time I got to watch the love of my life move in, live with someone before things had even been settled with me. All that time and I was tossed away like yesterday’s trash like I hadn't spent a quarter-century of time loving him. The time I got to watch as he chooses someone else, time I had watched as my life was changed right before my eyes the life I loved and enjoyed living, time, and all eternity!!! I am sealed to a man that willingly walked away from all that he promised, and I am suppose to have time tell me it’s going to be okay. The pain time brings the memories it fades. 

I was actually waiting on this word to heal me. 

One day at a time

The 1st time 

The last time

Lost Time

Waisted time

Good times 

Bad times

Back in time

Times of sorrow 

Times of joy

I was counting on time to tell me it was going to be okay...

But all time did was cause more pain and more hurt. As time went on, I would discover so many more truths.

Funny thing I have learned about time.

This was what I wrote to him about time 02/14/18. I knew nothing of the affair at this moment in time, but here I was writing about time.

So I kept this watch as he wore it once, and it obviously meant way more to me than it ever did him. 

Time isn't a word I use much any more. I can see the time, and I can feel time. What I wouldn’t give to go back in time and change it all fix the moment in time that a choice would cause the most excruciating pain I have ever felt in my life, I would take it all away spare the hurt and the damage that will never be undone because sadly this isn’t how time works. You can’t buy time, you can’t stop time.

Time won’t make me forget, but maybe it will help me to grow and understand. Time is limited, and time is what life is made up of.