Crazy...

I often have Crazy moments where I want to pull my hair out, I want to scream and flop down on the ground and throw a tantrum like a toddler all because of issues of having things clean! I never seem to have enough time to get all I need or want accomplished and it's frustrating... 

I have this major problem I can't do anything else if I know my house is dirty I can't sit down and watch a movie or tv show and enjoy it. For some weird reason I can only function if I know that my house is clean... Yep crazy!!! I like things neat and tidy everything has a place and it throws me off when I know my house is not spotlessly clean when I leave it, my day goes by so much better because I can focus on something beside knowing I will be retuning to a mess, homework, dinner, or kids activity... See I told you CRAZY... 

But it does not only affect my physically but emotionally when my house is a mess I tend to be a much worse mother my mood is awful I snap at kids and I dislike myself after... I have a list a million miles long but can't start on any of it knowing that the house has to be clean first! I won't actually start any project if my house is not at least picked up first!!! 

I have obsessive compulsiveness with having things clean... Oh and don't worry it's not only the house it my car, the yard, to pretty much everything, I like things in the right spots... I often get after my kids and use to never let them leave the house if they did not make their beds... I have learned over the years to be a little more lax in that and learned to shut the door due to us being late many times because of it... If the doors closed it gives me that false sense of clean if I can't actually see it. For some it's keeping up with the jones perfect house, perfect yard, perfect perfect perfect, but for me don't keep it clean for that reason I keep it clean and tidy for my own sanity. 

In my perfect world my house would self clean itself like the oven... Wait not the oven you still have to wipe it out even after because it leaves a residue and all the burnt stuff in the bottom... I want it to self clean like the washer just turn a couple of dials before leaving the house and when you return after work it's sparkling clean you know like when they pull one of those glass dishes from the dishwasher commercials... Oh and don't forget having it smelling like clean I love the smell of clean...

Yep OCD WILL ALL THINGS CLEAN!!!

But reality is I need to realize that there are way more important things then clean things even if they do boost my mood and help me feel better I need to find that happy medium because soon I will have an empty, most likely clean house (because I don't see the OCD changing any time soon)... But I really need to enjoy lives messes more because I won't have smelly messy kids bedrooms to clean forever... I just can't help LOVING the feeling of clean!!! 

Even if it does make me that CRAZY clean FREAK...