YES this feeling had been there for a long time and felt like a lunatic because I couldn’t make sense of it. I didn’t understand what the heck was going on the words and the actions were just not matching up no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t ignore that feeling. Intuition that was making me doubt myself, think I was imagining things I could see, convincing myself I actually hadn’t!
You know CRAZY MAKING.
I actually hope and pray that you don’t know, that you will never have to feel that in life.
I actually hope and pray that you don’t know, that you will never have to feel that in life.
I can say that when you suspect something going on outside your relationship you become a paranoid mess.
I stooped so low as to hacking all of his accounts, looking, searching for anything to confirm these feeling. Trying to prove that gut feeling, that intuition wrong.
Honestly this time around I thought it was the job, not a girl. I had asked him a million times, I questioned him, I asked for him to talk to me about what was going on. I got nothing, like I didn’t matter, didn’t exist.
The crazy took over when he cut communication. I asked him please no secrets, no lies, I begged him to talk to me, pleaded for him to open up.
I did it, I couldn’t feel parinoid or crazy anymore.
I snooped his phone list, his facebook, email, anything and everything I could think of trying to get rid of that gut feeling.
The sad truth, it wasn't even me that discovered.
That boys weekend.
He obviously did not try and hide it from them, He must have thought they would just think he was talking to at the wee hours of the morning.
Heartbreaking that he had little to no contact with me while on this trip.
Why was I less important?
Was I not exciting enough?
I stooped so low as to hacking all of his accounts, looking, searching for anything to confirm these feeling. Trying to prove that gut feeling, that intuition wrong.
Honestly this time around I thought it was the job, not a girl. I had asked him a million times, I questioned him, I asked for him to talk to me about what was going on. I got nothing, like I didn’t matter, didn’t exist.
The crazy took over when he cut communication. I asked him please no secrets, no lies, I begged him to talk to me, pleaded for him to open up.
I did it, I couldn’t feel parinoid or crazy anymore.
I snooped his phone list, his facebook, email, anything and everything I could think of trying to get rid of that gut feeling.
The sad truth, it wasn't even me that discovered.
That boys weekend.
He obviously did not try and hide it from them, He must have thought they would just think he was talking to at the wee hours of the morning.
Heartbreaking that he had little to no contact with me while on this trip.
Why was I less important?
Was I not exciting enough?
Things had been tense for awhile between us. I had been whining he was always gone working.
I just wanted a small portion of his time.
Had I been asking too much?
I just wanted him to find a balance between the work he loved and us.
I just wanted him to find a balance between the work he loved and us.
How stupid could I be?
How trusting after last time?
I had been her before.
I knew the signs.
The wife of our mutual friend asked me if I thought there were someone else?
I quickly replied NO, he is just working way to much he would never do that again.
He would never he knew what he and my best friend at the time had done. He knew it had broken me and I had fought long and hard to come back from it.
NO
WAY
how would anyone do that to someone again?
How wrong I would be!
I just didn’t know it at the time my heart only wanted to see the good, my head on the other had was screaming at my heart! The night my head and my heart would start to come together. Tuesday night, softball night in our little county. I had always gone up and watched, sometimes played when they didn’t have enough. I knew most of the guys on the team, some of these men were the same that had accompanied my husband 2 days prior to LA.
On any other night they would say hello, chit chat, acknowledge my existence.
Not this night, not a one of them would even make eye contact with me much less talk to me, a few wives were weird as well.
I ended up leaving that night feeling more crazy than ever.
Do I have the plague?
Response: NO, why you say that?
I said not a single person would even make eye contact with me last night.
So I must have something wrong with me or something happened in LA nobody wants to tell me.
This is how my head and my heart would come together, how I would come to learn what my intuition had been telling me. This was the answer to the constant prayer I had carried with me everyday... HELP!
This was the night I knew it was more than my gut telling me something was wrong, what I had been feeling wasn’t crazy, I wasn’t crazy.
After this night I would be treated poorly, the coldness, the disrespect.
I just wanted answers.
This was it, the moment that I knew that others knew something.
What? I had no idea, but I knew they knew and they weren’t willing to share with me the truth.
Something had happened in LA and it was being kept from me. By all of them.
I was about to get the answer nobody wants, the answer to a prayer that was going to hurt. I was about to find out that sometimes we are not going to like the answers to the prayers we had been praying about for months.
I was about to find out about HER!
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