Cracked Pot

 I had been praying for the words to write next. Judging myself like so many others. 

I had asked the lord if he wants me to share he was going to have to give me the words to write.

I fasted this morning, because I could use some extra help with the next coming weeks. Let me just say therapy is rough and healing actually hurts and I want to quite, give up because living the past hurts. 

As I sat in sacrament today, The speaker started talking about the past him and there it was my answer. The still small voice saying you have already written the words.

I have hundreds of words written, journals, notes saved in my phone.

I thought great I guess I will be doing some reading when I get home. 

Some of these words I still can’t even make myself re-read because they are so painful. This was written by me back in March 2013.

I started questioning if I am healthy?

 Body, mind, and spirit! The answer to that question in my life has had so many ups and downs. There has been a time when physically I have been in the best shape of my life, I could not keep up with working out twice a day for an hour so I have slacked on that! 2 years ago I think spiritually I was at an all-time high until that curve ball hit ( me speaking of the affair with A from Carbon County) I am not sure that I have ever fully recovered.  my mind,  that who knows, I have never been top of my class I got good grades and graduated with honors but I had to work my butt off for that and I think the older I get the worse I am. I am not sure that I will ever be smart! 

The mind that is a funny thing I have some serious insomnia and the things that my mind can conjure up, its not always good.  Let just say I am getting older and my priorities have changed, things have been really annoy me lately so I have been doing a lot of reading and searching and I have come up with a few things. 

First I may or may not have been upset with the lord ( I will be more honest then 2013 me, I was furious with the lord.)  Sounds so stupid I know but it’s that grudge holding I do that I am not proud of. 

I know you can’t get help without asking but you know what there was a point that I asked, I prayed for the lord to protect me from this happening again and probably may have even begged... alright I did! 

 The anger for not getting the result I wanted, Instead of the results that were best for me. The ones that would help me learn and grow! I have been stuck because of this. I did come up with all of this in my insomnia so I have to be grateful for insomnia even just a little.

This is what I have found in my search for answers it really gave me a new perspective.
There’s an old story about two pots. One was perfect in every way. The other had cracks and broken places. Each day a woman filled the pots with rainwater she collected and then carried them down the path to her home. The first pot felt proud that it never spilled a single drop. The other felt ashamed because no matter how hard she tried, she lost a lot along the way. One day the two pots overheard the woman talking with someone who lived nearby. The neighbor exclaimed, “The flowers along your path are so beautiful! What’s your secret?” The woman answered, “One of my pots is broken and the water that spills out helps the flowers grow every day.”
He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our sins, the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. As I pause and considere a new perspective on how my hurt begain. I realized that through Christ’s wounds we are healed and because He lives in us, our wounds can bring healing to others too.
We think that we have to take what’s broken and make it perfect in order to be used by God and bless others. But God thinks in a completely different way. He took what was perfect, His Son, and made Him broken in order to bring us healing. So if you’re sitting there wondering if God can use you because your life is not as it should be, and your heart is aching know that your greatest hurt will probably be your greatest blessing.

Some people in your life need to see your broken places more than your victories. We’re all like the second pot in the story. Our “April showers” can truly lead to “May flowers” because God sees purpose in our brokenness even when we don’t, and He can use it to bring forth beauty that blesses those around us. 

I bare testimony that this is true. I have seen it with my own eyes I am just sometimes too stubborn to admit it. I hope that I can continue with my forward progress and I will no longer be stuck. I hope I will be able to enjoy my own "April showers and "May flowers in life.

 My favorite flowers!

That is what I did I healed and I forgave and I believe every word when he said how sorry he was and that he believed it made us better happier people with a better marriage. 

The next few posts will be from my private family blog what I wrote about healing and loving and moving forward in my happy life that I had no idea was a lie. 

  

            Through the broken cracks.  

             God heals broken pieces.  

     Let His Light shine to comfort others.

God wanted me to share then and because of shame and fear I was scared.

Now I hope to comfort others with the comfort god has give me.